Download PDF Duped: Double Lives, False Identities, and the Con Man I Almost Married
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Duped: Double Lives, False Identities, and the Con Man I Almost Married
Download PDF Duped: Double Lives, False Identities, and the Con Man I Almost Married
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Review
Abby Ellin's writing is everything her fiancé pretended to be: witty, vulnerable, brave, smart, and honest.―Michael Finkel, author of the National Bestseller, The Stranger in the Woods"Candid and entertaining, Ellin's book offers insight into the socially and psychologically complex nature of deceit as well as the choices she made as a duped woman. Lively, provocative reading."―Kirkus Reviews"The author's hybrid of memoir and journalism works well for general readers, keeping things engaging and witty...A timely book for folks who wonder how we ended up in this post-truth world as well as readers of bookslike A Beautiful, Terrible Thing (2017) by Jen Waite."―Booklist"Abby Ellin has been Duped, and in this fascinating book, she reveals how and why ordinary people are often deceived by extraordinarily mendacious con artists. Ellin's personal story leads her to delve deep into research of why people lie and how they lie, and she discovers how common treachery can be. If you've ever been lied to, or told a lie, you will want to read this surprising, personal, and funny investigation of deception."―Piper Kerman, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Orange is the New Black"I couldn't put it down!"―Gretchen Rubin, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness Project and The Four Tendencies"From the wildly entertaining opening chapter of Duped, Abby Ellin explores the why and how of great imposters, many of whom occupied important swaths of her life. Swerving from the deceitful, manipulative, pathological narcissists to the professional use of lie detectors, she makes researching dishonesty an entertaining and fascinating read."―Jonna Hiestand Mendez, former CIA chief of disguise"I loved this book, and not just because of Abby Ellin's masterful storytelling. This is a book that can save lives. She paints an exquisite portrait of what life with a predator is like. No child should go to college without first reading this book."―Joe Navarro, former FBI agent and bestselling author of Dangerous Personalities"Thrilling, weird, and funny, Duped reveals the psychology of gaslighting, the prevalence of gullibility, and the wisdom in paranoia. Abby Ellin is a shrewd chronicler of cons and a gracious friend to the duped."―Ada Calhoun, author of Wedding Toasts I'll Never Give"I have recommended this one to friends who've loved someone they turned out not to know... [Ellin] pulls off the tricky balancing act of avoiding either self-justification or self-castigation...Reading 'Duped' gave me occasion to second-guess even gentler deceptions; it may actually have made me a (slightly) better person."―Tim Kreider, New York Times Book Review
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About the Author
Abby Ellin is an award-winning journalist and the author of Teenage Waistland: A Former Fat Kid Weighs In On Living Large, Losing Weight and How Parents Can (and Can't) Help. For five years she wrote the "Preludes" column about young people and money for the Sunday Money and Business section of the New York Times. She is also a regular contributor to the Health, Style, Business and Education sections of the New York Times. Her work has been published in The New York Times Magazine, New York, the Wall Street Journal, the Los Angeles Times Magazine, Psychology Today, Time, Newsweek, the Village Voice, the Boston Phoenix, Salon, Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, and Spy (RIP). She holds an MFA in Creative Writing from Emerson College and a Masters in International Public Policy from Johns Hopkins University. As of this writing, her greatest accomplishments are summiting Kilimanjaro (with a broken wrist!) and naming "Karamel Sutra" ice cream for Ben and Jerry's.
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Product details
Hardcover: 272 pages
Publisher: PublicAffairs; 1 edition (January 15, 2019)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1610398009
ISBN-13: 978-1610398008
Product Dimensions:
6.4 x 1 x 9.6 inches
Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
3.9 out of 5 stars
61 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#34,724 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Years ago, on a blind date, the young man and I discovered we had a mutual acquaintance. I'll call her Lucy, and she'd been a housemate of mine for about a year. "So sad about her husband and son and that car bomb," he said. "Why are you laughing? That's horrible." And it would have been horrible if true, but when I'd lived with her two years before, the only husband I'd heard about was the groom she said she'd ditched the night before the wedding after being caught in bed with two of the fourteen bridesmaids."Did she tell you about the kidney transplant? " I asked."No it was brain surgery," he said. "That steel plate sets off metal detectors."And so it was with interest I picked up Duped, hoping to find out what makes people like Lucy and Ellin's Commander tick. Abby Ellin writes in a breezy, self-deprecating style. (She'd have to - she almost married a guy who told her on their first date that he'd examined Osama Bin Laden at Gitmo and even the President didn't know he'd been captured. Super secret - shhhhhhhh.) With an extensive list of footnoted sources, Ellin has compiled a collection of dupers and dupees and quotes various psychologists on why some people like to lie.Maybe there's not one, but it bothered me a bit that Ellin seems to make little distinction between self-aggrandizing fabulists like the Commander and adulterers, embezzlers and fugitives. I get why people lie not to get caught at something, although the scale of deception in some of her anecdotes is truly mind-boggling. I wanted insights into the people who make up stuff just because. She's also more sympathetic to liars like eco-terrorist Peter Young and double agent Kim Philby than I would be. "Oh to have such loyalty to a cause greater than myself!" (p 56, ARC). She never once mentions the hundreds of people killed thanks to Philby's information. Later in the book she talks about the PTSD suffered by Bernie Madoff's victims, but couches it in terms of an emotional response to betrayal (many of them were "Jewish, like Madoff") rather than the shattering of their financial stability. Both of those omissions are books on their own, but the lack of acknowledgement rankled.The book touches briefly on people who lie about their gender or gender preferences, which leads to a discussion about blaming the dupe. There's a chapter on women liars, and the book wraps up with a look at the dubious usefulness of polygraphs. A few casual digs at Republicans and the Trump administration are scattered as humor and will ultimately date the book. Overall I'd been hoping for more psychology and fewer anecdotes.
Ellin’s depiction of her former fiancé was such that I expected him to don a cape at their first meeting. Words like “swashbuckling rogue†immediately sprang to mind. Any man who mentions “secret missions†and the CIA, while spouting off the names of his famous alleged acquaintances, sounds suspicious and more like a boastful kid playing spy than a potential mate. Perhaps he was charming and convincing, but there were so many red flags here. Ellin seemed caught up in the whirlwind, drama and excitement, blithely excusing the lies and discrepancies. A rapid romance with all the right words and props, but little substance or reality. Effusive declarations of adoration too soon, then expectations quickly set low by small disappointments and evasions. Easier to see and say from a distance, than when in the midst of it, but love takes time to develop. The speed of the courtship alone was reason enough for legitimate concern. The “Commander†engineered a relationship with all the requisite trappings, but I just envisioned him onstage, acting out scenes in a sweeping emotional saga where he was the quintessential star, at least in his own mind. When Ellin finally realized his deliberate trickery, and the clouds cleared, her book then becomes more about the history of deception, why people opt to deceive and how to spot these stealthy perpetrators. Interesting research and interviews in this portion of the book. No one is immune to deception, and Ellin’s story describes the havoc and bewilderment that duplicity can render. Women are particularly vulnerable as we are often steeped in stubborn fairytales, when common sense, facts and discernment are required. A good read.
Abby Ellin tells such a riveting story of being duped, you won't be able to put her new book down. What I love is she doesn't blame and shame. When a woman is conned, everyone blames the victim. But Ellin doesn't. She tackles the trauma of being duped with empathy. This isn't just her story; she uses her reporting chops to tell other people's stories too, including that of double agent Kim Philby's treachery. I gobbled it up.
Even if you've never been duped, you've got to wonder about what motivates those conmen and why anyone would fall for their antics. Well, wonder no more. This is no con when i tell you that Ellin is a witty and smart writer. You'll be gripped by the narrative and intrigued by the science of it all.
I hate to leave any negative review, but this book seemed to me to be disjointed and poorly written. I was fascinated by the story when I heard the author's interview on NPR and was wanting to hear the whole story so I bought the book both hardback and ebook so I could start reading right away. After reading the first 50 pages or so, I felt like she had written her memoir out and an editor asked her to add more history from her life, so the story lops back and forth awkwardly in an unnatural and forced way. I shared this book with a close family member who worked for the DEA thinking that she would enjoy the story and theme, but she called me and said the same thing! She wanted to love it, but found it disjointed and not very well written. I love non fiction, and this is just my opinion, I just wish it lived up to my expectations. I'm still happy that the author took the time to share her experience and expose the commander in hopes of helping other women in the same situation.
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