Ebook Download Dancing on My Grave: An Autobiography, by Gelsey Kirkland
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Dancing on My Grave: An Autobiography, by Gelsey Kirkland
Ebook Download Dancing on My Grave: An Autobiography, by Gelsey Kirkland
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From Publishers Weekly
Rarely has a performing artist probed so searchingly and satisfyingly into the wellsprings of creativity as ballerina Kirkland does in this incandescently lyrical memoir written with her husband, whom she met while knocking on the door of a drug dealer's apartment. That is only one item of scandalous interest in an autobiography that resembles Billie Holiday's Lady Sings the Blues in its startling, brutal honesty. But, unlike celebrity autobiographies that mistake "juicy" anecdotes for self-revelation, Dancing on My Grave is also an intellectually stimulating portrait of the artist at war with tradition, with family, friends, lovers and colleagues, but most frustratingly, with herself. The 34-year-old Kirkland, who triumphed at the New York City Ballet and American Ballet Theater in the 1970s, reveals her one-time addiction to cocaine; that her affair with dancer Patrick Bissell was predicated on their mutual addiction to the drug; that both her romantic and artistic relationships with Baryshnikov were untenable because of his adolescent and unrelenting narcissism ("How was it possible that Misha's resources as an artist, so evident in performance, were different from those of his basic personality?"); that in 1981 she committed herself to a Westchester psychiatric hospital, even as she knew that her anorexia, bulimia and drug addiction were only symptoms of deeper emotional problems. The memoir also serves as a devastating critique of the American dance establishment that cannot be ignored. New York City Ballet founder George Balanchine (who gave Kirkland amphetamine "vitamins" on a tour of the U.S.S.R.) emerges as patronizing, vindictive, petty but still a genius. Through the 1970s and early 1980s, Kirkland nearly paid with her life for "the passivity and guilt instilled by the Balanchine system"a dance theater that valued speed and form over dramatic content. "Don't think, dance," Kirkland was told. The ballerina's disaffection with that dictum is at the heart of this book: "To speak through the dance, to articulate something beyond the steps, was the precise art for which I struggled." Kirkland spares neither the reader nor herself in this memoir full of poetic insights into art and life, and we must be grateful that the dancer, always "seen but not heard," has at last given her inner soul voice in this magnificent autobiography. 50,000 ad/promo. Copyright 1986 Reed Business Information, Inc.
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From Library Journal
Prima ballerina Kirkland and her husband have written an emotional diatribe about Kirkland's dance career. The ballet equivalent of a "tell-it-all" Hollywood biography, this is a horror story of pain, anorexia, emotional difficulties, and casual sex, culminating in four years of cocaine addiction that brought her career to a standstill. At odds with both Balanchine and Baryshnikov in her insistence on putting her own dramatic interpretation into her roles, she is highly critical of Balanchine's training methods and Baryshnikov's partnering skills, which she says lacked finesse both on and off the stage. Her serious accusations that ballet training produces mindless mechanical dolls, and that the rigors of the life drive dancers to drug abuse, are undermined by her shrill, fragmented tone, making this a sad self-justification. Marcia L. Perry, Berkshire Athenaeum, Pittsfield, Mass.Copyright 1986 Reed Business Information, Inc.
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Product details
Hardcover: 286 pages
Publisher: Doubleday; 1st edition (September 3, 1986)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0385199643
ISBN-13: 978-0385199643
Package Dimensions:
9.3 x 6.3 x 1.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
Average Customer Review:
4.1 out of 5 stars
74 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#140,856 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Book has been changed from the original version written about 30 years ago and does not include a lot of things which you must buy a sequel to get. This disappointed me as I wanted the original version, which I read when it was first published. I wanted to now read it as an older person and think it over again along with the ballet world today compared with then. But too much was left out I think in an attempt to get us to buy more books or at least the sequel or another book after this which may have contained what I wanted to know not sure. Perhaps she got rid of a lot of some of the things which were not as flattering yet still they were important and knowing how to her life went and what happened in the ballet World during those times 3 decades ago.
First off- I so disagree with the poor reviews that Gelsey was a narcissist. She did not love herself, and was not preoccupied with herself. She was just trying to find a way to LIVE with herself without destructive thoughts and behaviors.The writing- so real and raw. I believe probably 90% of it, as there's no way she would have been able to recall all of her exact coversations word for word. Also, she makes a lot of assumptions about other people's unspoken attitudes towards her- many could have been true; but who knows.The story- Gelsey was a tortured soul from the beginning. It's like she saw the world in a deeper way than most do. Felt things deeper; saw her imagination as if it were all real in the world; wanted to understand herself and others at all costs. I wrote in the title that it was inspiritational because of how she describes her artistic endevours. She was so concerned with the art of ballet that money and people's opinions didn't matter. Whether she was received well or not by the public didn't matter. She just wanted to create art as perfectly as possible; an impossible but noble pursuit. It's what sets her apart from the ballet dancer who just performs technique. She strived for every detail, every muscle movement, every emotion, every lift, to be....I can't even describe it because she never seems to quite be able to describe or answer her question of what this art is that she does. It's a beautifully written autobiography; she makes you feel as though you know her personally by the end. It will drive you to look and feel deeper when exploring any artform. Many have read this book and by the end felt they no longer looked up to Gelsey or Balanchine. I didn't feel that negativity or indifference. They were human, and therefore flawed in both their personal and professional lives.Her next book was The Shape of Love which I have yet to read. She is no longer married to Greg Lawrence, the co-author of both books. I hope she writes a third. I especially look foward to seeing how sucessful her ballet school becomes; The Gelsey Kirkland Academy of Classical Ballet.
Great memoir from a very gifted dancer--one of my favorites. I read it, 30-some years ago, when it came out, and I gave it to my friend, who had a cocaine addiction--for whom it did not "work, unfortunately, in getting her clean and sober--so I recently decided to get my own copy and read it again. I, too, struggled with substance abuse issues, but I am clean and sober nearly 24 years now. Unfortunately, Gelsey's book didn't have the desired effect on me, either, in that way--maybe because cocaine was something I only occasionally tried and didn't like, unlike her, who abused it a lot before she and Greg Lawrence, her then-husband and co-author, became clean.
Gelsey Kirkland manages to take you first hand into the secret and most hidden world of the Ballet. I find her extremely open and her descriptions are raw and realistic with no apologies for the reality that is being a prima ballerina and belonging to the prestigious American Ballet. She begins her story from a young girl living the Hollywood style life provided by her famous playwright father Jack Kirkland. It gives you a insight on how and why she shaped her future. She is candid and humble in her descriptions and reasonings and does not leave much to the imagination. I found it compelling as I have had a brief history myself doing ballet, but now after reading Gelsey's bio have a very strong understanding to as why now I am not a ballerina! These women and men are truly gifted human beings who's art of dance is truly something to be admired. Saying that, Gelsey leads you thru the road it takes to get there. We see the ballet as pretty and elegant, something little girls dream of being while sleeping in there beds. However, the truth is shockingly different. You will truly relish this book whether or not your a fan of the ballet, an actual ballerina or a lover of the arts.
I bought this for my daughter who is currently studying dance. She will also be attending Gelsey's summer intensive this summer. This book will give you an inside look at the ballet world especially under Ballanchine. This woman deserves a medal for putting up with Balanchine and dating Baryshnikov!!! One thing I can say is that this woman is a survivor! Even though the ballet world is full of women it is mostly run by men directors. Men are treated like Gods in the ballet world. I love that Gelsey Kirkland is a strong female Director in a sea of men who do't have a clue about the female dancer. Although her school seems to be doing extremely well, her summer intensive (SI) has been rated #1 ballet SI in NYC, it is extremely expensive to run a dance school/company especially in NYC. I hope that people continue to donate to her school and support more women directors in the ballet world. Please Donate!!! This book is really about a woman trying to survive in a man's world in the 60's and 70's. The competition for these women is fierce. Highly recommend.
Kirkland complains throughout the entire book. If ballet was so painful and torturous since childhood then why did she stay for so many years? The book comes across as a bitter gossip column by an unstable person. Still she was one of the famed balanchine dancers and contributed to the history of American ballet.
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